to idia/mituna
01.15.25
i love you and i want to keep you with me cause you keep me smiling. and whenever i see you with other people i get jealous fast cause i know they make you happier than i do. and i get sad whenever i think about who i am to you. im just some guy. really, not even a guy. im a tranny pretending. im just someone to fill your void and whenever you feel reasonable youll leave. and the day you leave me ill cry all the way into the night and the next morning ill probably try and kill myself. but i never have the guts for anything so ill sit in bed with my stupid bloody wrists and wonder how youre doing. ill probably spend a long time trying to feel the way you make me feel after you leave. or die, whichever comes first. if you did die id probably wait by your grave and kiss the stone that bears your name. id feel ashamed that i didnt do anything. that i didnt bother defying god to keep you alive some how. this is corny i know. im writing this while youre trying to talk to me. its ironic huh? i love you so much but im afraid of spending time together. i cherish you but i never show it well. im such a bad guy and i cant fathom why youre still with me. but you are and, i think that, youre brave for trying. brave for loving me.